


Fake it til you make it

by GerryCoco, Hayden_IsTrying



Series: Goosey Collabs! [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Sweetheart, Chaotic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Developing Relationship, Drinking, Drunk Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Established Relationship, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family Bonding, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Gay Panic, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Implied Sexual Content, Lack of Communication, M/M, Mild Smut, Mutual Pining, One Night Stands, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Protective Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, oh no feelings!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:00:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25813945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GerryCoco/pseuds/GerryCoco, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hayden_IsTrying/pseuds/Hayden_IsTrying
Summary: Virgil and Remus were nothing but a one night stand at first. Nothing was going to happen between them romantically, nothing at all. When they meet a second time however, they find themselves meeting up again and again, their relationship slowly evolving into what they ended up calling friends with benefits. However, it couldn't be that easy... Virgil finds himself catching feelings for Remus and decides it's time for their meetups to stop before he starts to seriously feel something for him. Just as he thinks he'll have some time to get over it, he gets a call that would completely alter his plans and possibly his relationship with Remus...
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: Goosey Collabs! [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1961476
Comments: 50
Kudos: 107





	1. The beginning of the end

Virgil awoke abruptly to the sound of his phone alarm ringing. He groaned as he leaned over to the night table to shut it off. His head was throbbing and his body ached as he turned over in the bed. The sight of the overturned sheets on the opposite side of his double bed reminded him suddenly of the previous night’s events. 

“Oh dear lord what have I done…” he grumbled as he ran his hands over his face. As he got up and started making breakfast he felt as though his heart was twisting upon itself. Part of him was relieved to see that his one-night stand had left before he had woken up, the other part of him was heartbroken. 

The night before he had gone out to his favourite nightclub to hang out and unwind with some friends. It was there that he happened to stumble across an old high school friend. Virgil had always found Remus rather attractive and the years in between had Only served to make him even more so. They had casually chatted and flirted all throughout the evening as they progressively got more and more drunk before eventually making their way back to Virgil’s apartment. 

In hindsight, it probably hadn’t been one of Virgil’s best ideas, but he didn’t exactly pride himself on good decision making. Considering how busy he’d found himself lately, he had been well overdue for some kind of night out, but...he definitely didn’t expect this. 

He poured himself a cup of coffee and leaned his back against the counter, the warm mug cupped in his palms as he tried his best to remember more from the night before. It wasn’t entirely fuzzy, but then again, not totally all there either.

He’d come across Remus when the other man had approached him, clearly with the goal of hitting on him. It had taken him a few minutes, but after a few minutes of looking rather distracted and accidentally giving Remus the impression he wasn’t interested, he finally recognised him. 

Things had gone from there and they’d spent a good amount of their time catching up and by the end of the night, well...they’d ended up here. He couldn’t remember much else, but found himself rather disappointed that he didn’t get Remus’ number. He hadn’t seen the other man in years and thought… He wasn’t sure what he thought, but while he’d expected this, part of him has still hoped he’d be there by the next morning. 

**********************************************************************

Over the next few weeks Virgil had returned to the nightclub on a few occasions, secretly hoping to see Remus again. Not that he was willing to admit that to himself, pining was pathetic and he was not desperate. He passed the lingering feelings on his friends teasing of him on the following occasions that they had gone out. They were the ones reminding him of Remus, his own subconscious surely wasn’t responsible for this. And yet there was a clear pang of disappointment every time he came home alone. 

It was sometime later that he finally did cross paths with Remus again. This time it was at a bar close to his apartment where he had gone to wind down after having dinner with some colleagues which had been very socially draining for him. He had just settled himself by the bar counter with his beer when someone sat down in the stool next to his. 

“Well, well, fancy seeing you again,” Remus had smirked with that cheeky grin he always wore. 

A faint blush had passed across Virgil’s cheeks though he tried to pretend that it was only due to his exhaustion rather than him being flustered to see Remus unexpectedly. Thankfully their exchange wasn’t tinged with any awkwardness concerning the outcome of their previous encounter as they continued talking and catching up. As the evening wore on they eventually made their way once again to Virgil’s apartment for the night. 

This time, however, Virgil woke up the next morning to Remus still next to him. He’d gazed at the sleeping man for a few minutes before he’d also woken up. They’d gotten up and had breakfast together before Remus gave Virgil his number and was off for work. 

Over time, Virgil and Remus got reacquainted with each other and quickly found themselves becoming friends. They hung out pretty often and eventually, Remus even started getting invited out to the movies and to clubs with Virgil and his other friends. Patton wasn’t too fond of the new addition to their group, but Virgil seemed to be having fun and so the rest of them didn’t mind all that much. 

Remus and Virgil’s relationship quickly evolved into a friends with benefits situation which at first Virgil had no quarrel with. He was fine with everything and it was going well, plus he really wasn’t interested in any relationship commitments, so it worked out.

However, what he gradually began to notice was that he really did enjoy Remus’ company. They started hanging out one on one more often and Virgil found himself expressing a fondness for the other man. A fondness that...wasn’t totally platonic. Now that they’re seeing each other regularly and not just for hookups, he was slowly realising that maybe he didn’t just want Remus physically.

Now, Virgil had done plenty to try and push down the feelings. He’d insisted to himself that they were platonic and meant absolutely nothing else, but it wasn’t long before he’d been forced to face them. Remus and him had been cuddling at the time, limbs entangled with each other and quite happy there. 

Virgil was too tired to push down his feelings and he’d kissed him. Remus had reciprocated and as he gently wrapped his arms around the other man’s neck, he knew he was completely fucked. He’d gotten too attached again because of course he had. 

Remus left Virgil’s apartment that evening and by the next morning, Virgil had himself entirely convinced that Remus would never return his feelings. He had plans to emotionally cut him off and ride the wave until the crush passed, it was what he always did after all. 

Little did he know, Remus had other plans and even repressing his feelings for the other man wouldn’t get him out of this one. 


	2. A favour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus asks Virgil for a favour to put an end to some of the teasing from his brother. Little did he know, this would have more of an effect on Virgil than he originally thought.

Two days later Virgil still hadn’t spoken to Remus and thought that he was well on his way to getting over the other man. His resolve abandoned him completely however the moment his phone rang and he saw Remus’ name show up on the screen. 

“Hello?” Virgil answered, his voice half an octave higher than his usual tone. 

“Hey Virge! How are you?” Remus’ voice replied on the other end of the line. 

“I’m good, how are you?” Virgil managed to squeak out, cursing himself for being so pathetic. 

“I’m good,” Remus said, pausing for a moment. “Okay so this is going to seem really weird but I called you because I wanted to ask you for a favour.” 

“Oh… what is it?” Virgil chewed his lip nervously as he pondered out the millions of possible scenarios this could lead to. 

“Well, uh, so my gran’s 80th birthday is coming up and I was thinkin maybe you’d be down to come to help me get my stuck up prick of a brother off my back about my fuckin commitment issues.”

“I.. uh, sure I’d love to help,” Virgil answered, somewhat confused but also incapable of saying no in that moment. 

“Awesome! Thanks, I just really need a plus one to get him to shut his fat mouth for a goddamn second.” 

“Yeah of course no problem, I know how it is.” 

“Great! It’s next Saturday evening so I’ll pick you up at 6:30 is that good?” 

“Uh yeah sure no problem.” 

“Thanks, babes. See you Saturday, Ciao.” 

As Remus hung up Virgil was left bewildered as to what had just happened. Had.. had Remus just asked him to be his date? The brief and somewhat chaotic phone call had only served to show him that he’d have to put repressing his feelings on hold until this was over. 

**************************************

Saturday afternoon Virgil was pacing back and forth in his living room, wondering how in the fresh hell he’d gotten himself into this mess. He kept feeling on the verge of a panic attack and had no clue how he was going to manage to get through this evening.  _ This wasn’t a date, he was just standing in as Remus’ date, _ he reminded himself. He’d jumped out of his skin when he heard the notification on his phone to indicate the Remus was outside waiting for him. 

It took him a moment to try to compose himself as he grabbed his keys and wallet before heading out the door. The sight of Remus in his truck waiting for him helped to ease his worries for the moment as he opened the passenger side door and settled into his seat.

“Hiya, doll,” Remus grinned at him with a wink as he looked up from his phone to Virgil whose eyebrows were still furrowed with a deep crease. “How you doin?”

“Uh...I’ll be okay, can you...go over the plan we have here?” Virgil replied slightly timidly as he fiddled with the hem of his shirt, not looking entirely comfortable. 

“Oh, sure, no problem. So, we go in, there’s probably gonna be like 10 people there. I have my parents, grandparents, two aunts, a cousin, and my older brother with his boyfriend. It’s gonna be alright, I'll be there with you and my family really aren’t scary,” Remus comforted, reaching over and taking Virgil’s hand, giving it a firm squeeze for comfort. 

“Okay that’s pretty straightforward then.” Virgil let out a sigh and leaned back into his seat as Remus started the truck. “I’m basically a stand in, I can work with that.” 

“Oh...uhm...I told them that you’re my...boyfriend?” he smiled nervously, “Is...is that okay? I thought I was kind of clear on it, but if not, I’m sorry,” he added, his expression displaying light concern now.

Virgil immediately tensed up in his seat, his breath going shallow. Gay panic didn’t even begin to cover what he felt in that moment. “I, uh, you want me to… to pretend that I’m your boyfriend?” he stuttered out. “Yeah um, sure, yeah that’s cool, no problem,” he said with the hint of a tremor in his voice as he gave Remus a forced smile. 

“Hey, Virge, look at me,” he said, his voice a tone far more serious than characteristic Remus. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise I’ll keep you safe, you really don’t have to go through with this if you don’t want to,” he reassured and at Virgil’s instant shake of his head, Remus’ frown deepened slightly.

“N-No... I want to! I don’t want you to look like you got stood up. I agreed and I’m going to stick to it,” Virgil announced stubbornly even through such a timid tone and hitched breaths, he still sounded bold and sure.

“Okay, fine, if you’re sure…” Remus shook his head fondly, then reached back to the back seat and pulled a warm and rather large hoodie from behind them. He gently slipped it over Virgil’s head and helped him into it, opening the window of the truck to give him some fresh air. “There, how’s that?”

“Better,” Virgil replied, a soft smile on his face. The hoodie had an immediate calming effect as he enjoyed the warm and soft material. It also happened to smell like Remus which didn’t hurt to help soothe Virgil’s nerves as they made their way to the party. 

Soon they were pulling into the driveway of a very nice looking house. Virgil thought it looked like a mini mansion and was somewhat self conscious of the sense of grandeur it emanated. With reluctance he pulled off the hoodie once the car was stopped, he felt as though he’d be rather under dressed if he kept it on. 

“Hey, you can keep it on if you like, you look cute.” Remus commented with a wink, nudging Virgil’s side playfully.

Virgil flushed at the comment but shook his head lightly. “No it’s okay, but thank you for letting me borrow it for the drive.” He placed the hoodie back in the backseat while Remus got out of the car and made his way to the other side to open the door for Virgil. With a final shaky breath Virgil braced himself for whatever was awaiting them inside. 


	3. "No, he’s not high"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil meets Remus' family and realises Remus has a particular relative that he seems to have gotten quite a bit of his chaos from.

Remus led Virgil up the driveway to the front door where he knocked loudly and was greeted by the door being swung open by a sweet looking lady with striking blue eyes and red hair, probably looking to be in her early forties. “Hi, Remus!” she grinned, stepping forward and hugging him tightly, “How is my ratty little nephew?” she asked, poking him in the side playfully which resulted in a pout from Remus. 

“Hey, Amber, I’ve been okay. Virgil, this is my aunt Amber. Amber, this is Virgil, my boyfriend,” he introduced, taking Virgil’s hand gently in his and lacing their fingers together. 

“Well, hello Virgil. Nice to meet you! You two should come in, it’s rather cold out there,” she commented, beckoning the two of them inside and into the warm and homely front room. It was definitely a sizeable space with plenty of room for everyone. Remus slipped his shoes off and waited for Virgil to do so.

“Okay, just to be clear. My brother is Roman, we knew him in high school and he’s a bit of a douchebag. I don’t know if you remember him, but if you do... Well, that’s what I’m up against,” Remus explained, keeping his voice relatively low.

Virgil was struck with the sudden realisation that he did remember who Roman was. A small shiver went down his spine at the thought. Roman had been the classic popular jock who always seemed to have everything going for him. He heard Remus groan “Speak of the devil” and turned to see Roman coming towards them. 

“Well well look what the cat dragged in,” Roman teased as he sauntered towards them, a cocky grin across his face. “Oh and who do we have here? Blink twice if you’re here against your will,” he smirked as he elbowed Virgil in the ribs. 

“Oh bugger off Roman no one thinks you’re funny,” Remus scowled. “This is Virgil who just so happens to be my totally sexy boyfriend so if you’ll excuse us I have to go introduce this beautiful piece of arm candy to the rest of the family.” 

Roman raised an eyebrow and turned to Virgil, “Where have I heard Virgil before…” Roman trailed off before he looked back up, “Ohhhh, you’re that cute emo kid that was in my art class,” he recalled, “Wow, well, that’s interesting,” he commented. 

A blush bloomed across Virgil’s cheeks at Roman’s comment and he noticeably hid behind Remus a little bit. “Oh, Roman, would you just lay off?” Remus sighed, “You can harass us later, but we just got here,” he pleaded and eventually Roman seemed to give in. 

“Fine, mom wants to see you,” Roman flounced before sauntering back over to his own boyfriend to return to hanging off the other man’s arm. 

Remus scoffed again, “Ugh, that’s Logan. He’s kind of like the hot nerd type, exactly the kind of guy your family would want you to bring home and show them,” he told him, wrapping his arm around Virgil’s waist.

Virgil looked over at them and couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. Roman and Logan really did look like the perfect pair and seemed to emanate such strong ‘relationship goals’ vibes that he felt rather nervous about what the other members of Remus’ family would think of him. 

“Remus, darling, there you are,” a woman’s voice behind them spoke. She came up to them and promptly and primly kissed Remus on both cheeks. 

“Hey mom,” Remus replied as he tried to bat away his mother’s hands who was trying to fix his shirt collar that had gone askew. “Could you please stop fussing over me for a moment so I can introduce you to my boyfriend.” 

She turned to look at Virgil whose presence she’d more or less noticed as he was cowering once again behind Remus. “Well well, this one is real it would seem then. I’m Debra nice to meet you,” she said as she went to give Virgil the same introductory embrace. 

Virgil flushed as he returned the gesture. “Hi, um, I’m Virgil, it’s nice to meet you too.” 

“Remus doesn’t tend to bring anyone home, so you must be rather special to him,” she beamed before turning to the sound of Roman rushing over. 

“Mom, come over and talk to Logan. We haven’t seen you since we came to visit last month,” he whined, not completely unlike a child. All she did before she let herself be dragged off was give Remus a brief apologetic smile. 

Remus rolled his eyes, “You want me to go get us a drink?” he asked, looking just mildly salty as he gave his brother a brief side eye. 

“Uh yeah sure that sounds like a good idea,” Virgil answered, eyeing the other people present in the room. 

They made their way to the kitchen where Virgil was introduced to other members of Remus’ family. Every time Remus presented him as his boyfriend Virgil tried to keep a straight face as much as possible but there was only so much he could do about the blush that kept rising to his cheeks. 

“Remus!” a shrill voice exclaimed near them and Virgil just about jumped out of his skin. He turned to see a tiny old lady whom he assumed to be Remus’ grandmother bolting towards them before tackling her grandson into a bear hug. She cackled wildly while she squeezed the life out of him, eyes glittering as she beamed up at him. 

Remus smiled back at her with what seemed to be the first proper smile since they'd gotten there. "Hey, Grammy," he replied, hugging her back. Once he pulled away, her eyes narrowed at him and she looked across the room at Roman and rolled her eyes.

"Is Roman stealing all the attention again?" she asked, eyeing him. "Because we haven't seen you in at least a year, I would have thought it would take at least ten minutes before he had all of them hanging off his every word again," she said, putting her hands on her hips. "Sometimes, I wish more of us would be willing to call that boy out, his head is too big as it is."

Virgil did his best not to squirm in place as her attention was then fixed upon him. Her expression lit up once again as she saw Remus passing an arm around his waist. “Oh Remus! Who’s this dashing piece of eye-candy I see you’ve brought here?” she asked with a wicked grin. “I’m so glad you finally brought someone along I was just about ready to die of boredom listening to mister and mister perfect over there.” She rolled her eyes as she glanced in the direction of Roman and Logan who were going on about who knows what that seemed to be captivating everyone else’s attention. 

“Grammy this is my boyfriend Virgil,” Remus said as he looked over fondly at the other man. Virgil didn't have much time to think before he was given a rib crushing hug from the feisty little woman. 

“Go easy on him, grammy, he’s a little out of it,” he commented and she pulled away from hugging Virgil to give him a mischievous look. Remus took a minute and then spluttered as he realised what she was implying, snickering to himself. “No, he’s  _ not _ high,” he chucked, rolling his eyes. 

Virgil flushed a deep red, hiding his face in Remus’ arm, figuring it really couldn’t get any worse. “Yeah...sorry…” he mumbled softly and Remus chuckled, gently pulling him a little closer.

Remus’ grandma then smiled, mildly amused. “Sorry, Remus, I'll try and refrain from scaring him off,” she smiled with the decency to just barely look sheepish.

“Oh no, it’s okay… you’re kind of like Remus. He was always very...enthusiastic.” Virgil replied, smiling softly, “I’m used to it by now.” 

“That’s what you think.” She grinned with that same soft twinkle in her eyes that wasn’t quite friendly, rather something just off it. “But anyway, let’s go get some food, I’ll bet Remus hasn’t eaten yet, he’s awful at taking care of himself.”

Remus spluttered in offence but didn’t say anything because she wasn’t exactly wrong either. He took Virgil’s hand in his and they made their way to the dining room where everyone was settling themselves at the table. 


	4. bittersweet butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dinner continues and Virgil and Remus have a heart to heart. Will Virgil's pining ever end or will he carry on suffering alone for the rest of his life?

The dinner went on rather smoothly, Virgil staying quiet for the most part which he was okay with as he surveyed all the others sitting round the table. He couldn’t help but notice that whenever Remus started to speak with a relative that Roman would butt into the conversations only minutes after. Remus huffed and rolled his eyes after being cut off yet again by Roman who was going on about his and Logan’s new apartment. 

Virgil reached over under the table to give his hand a squeeze and offer him a small smile. Remus looked over at him and returned the smile, the creases that had lined his forehead smoothing out. All the while Remus’ grandmother kept looking at them as if they were the most entertaining thing. 

The dinner continued to drag on and by the end of it, Roman had talked everyone’s ears off. Remus was pretty tired of him, but didn’t vocalise this and roughly half an hour after dinner, Logan reminded Roman that they had to start heading home to check on their dog and make sure he was okay. Remus had rolled his eyes and he and Virgil had joked back and forth about how obnoxious Roman could be once he’d finally left. 

As relatives slowly began to file out, the only people other than them left in the house were Remus’ grandma, his parents and one of his aunts. He decided he wanted some air and stepped outside, a glass of whiskey in his hand. Virgil followed him out and stood beside him. He’d chosen not to drink knowing that one of them would have to drive them both home and it sure as hell wouldn’t be Remus. He however did speak first between the two of them. 

“I hate these things usually. I only came because Grammy is very important to me. These things are usually complete shitshows,” Remus commented, taking another small sip of his drink. 

Virgil didn’t answer at first, but after a few beats of silence between them, he finally did. “Well… I never go to family events. My dad was pretty cool, but he uh… stopped talking to me when my mom did. She didn’t appreciate the direction my life was going in,” he sighed.

“I don’t know why,” Remus replied, “Anyone with a brain can see that you’re incredible.” He said, taking another sip of the bronze liquid before he turned so he was facing Virgil rather than the garden in front of them. “The people around you are lucky to have you in their life.”

“I’m not so sure about that…” Virgil replied, biting down on his lip and breaking eye contact to train his gaze onto the floor as he flushed a soft pink.

“Hey,” Remus said, his tone firm but tender. He set down his glass and stepped closer to Virgil, taking his jaw between his fingers so that their eyes met again. Remus’ gaze held something Virgil didn’t quite recognise, a sort of fierce intensity that portrayed a certain sense of protectiveness for the other man. “You stop that self deprecating talk that I can see running through that brain of yours. You are the most amazing person I’ve ever met and I won’t have you think anything short of that about yourself.” 

Virgil’s breath hitched in his throat as he was washed over with a wave of emotion. His heart hammered in his chest as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. The charade that they were a couple hadn’t been too hard to keep up for Virgil as his feelings for Remus had been made more and more evident to him throughout the evening. With the way Remus was looking at him he would have sworn that it was no longer an act though. He blinked and then was brought back to himself. 

Remus didn’t actually like him back, this was just a product of their ruse and the alcohol flowing through his bloodstream. Virgil tried to ingrain that thought into his mind as he regained his senses and pulled down Remus’ hand from his face. “Thank you Remus, I guess I really needed to hear that. You really are such a great friend,” he said, giving Remus a small smile as he stepped back to put some distance between them. 

Remus nodded, smiling weakly, “Yeah, sure. No problem.” he replied, his voice just slightly sharp. He sighed, finishing his drink before he headed back indoors. He sat down with the others and Virgil walked in to join them a little while after, sitting down next to Remus who was in conversation with his Grandma.

The two didn’t really talk again until later that evening when Virgil had gone to find Remus after going to the bathroom to suggest the two of them go home. He was sitting in one of the chairs on the porch, staring out at the slowly setting sun. His mom was out watering the front yard, the noise of trickling water steady in the background. 

“Hey, Remus.” Virgil said, sitting down on the chair next to him. “You okay?” 

“I don’t know, I guess so.” he sighed, “I was talking to Grammy earlier... She said mom and dad don’t believe that we’re actually you know, a thing.” he huffed, his tone heavy with emotion even despite none of those emotions really being clear. 

Virgil frowned slightly, confused as to how he was supposed to take this statement. “Oh, um, sorry… I just wasn’t sure how to do this without making it weird either I guess…” he said, his voice trailing off. What did Remus expect from him? They weren’t actually dating after all and Virgil was feeling more and more uncomfortable with this. “Can we go now? I’m starting to get tired and we have a ways to drive to get back.” 

“Yeah...of course. Uhm...I’m… not implying that it’s your fault. You did make this a whole lot more enjoyable than these kinds of events usually are, I...never thought of actually bringing someone…” he continued. 

“Oh...good, well...I’m glad you had fun for at least some of it then.” Virgil said, a gentle smile spreading slowly across his face.

Remus then stood up, helping Virgil up from the chair he was on and hugging him, “Thank you for today, Virgil. It was really nice to spend time with you like this… I’m really glad we decided to get to know each other properly again,” he said, sighing softly as Virgil hugged back. 

“Hey, look, it’s fine. I...I am too.” Virgil smiled, feeling a sweeping of butterflies in his stomach and a bubbling of disappointment in his gut knowing that all of today wasn’t real. He supposed he could live in the moment… Not that he really had a choice.

Finally they pulled away and made their round of goodbyes to the remaining family members. Virgil tried not to focus too much on their expressions, it wasn’t like he was ever going to be seeing them again anyway. This was a one time thing and Virgil had had enough of pretending. 


	5. Highs and Lows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil takes Remus back to the apartment and the pair of them both end up getting way more trouble than they bargained for.

Once they had said goodbye to everyone they made their way to the car to head home. The drive was spent mostly in silence, Virgil had too much on his mind and too many feelings swirling in his chest to trust any of the words he might say. He was slowly coming to terms with the fact that he had to get over Remus. If they were going to continue being friends he would have to figure out how to get rid of these feelings. 

Eventually they arrived at Remus’ apartment, Virgil walking him back up to his place as Remus stumbled slightly due to his somewhat intoxicated state. 

Once Virgil had gotten Remus back to his apartment, Remus paused at the door, wrapping Virgil in another hug. “I’m sorry today was so chaotic.” he mumbled into his shoulder, “You’re really amazing, Virgil… thank you so much,” he babbled, his words just barely slurring together.

Virgil shifted slightly, sighing. He didn’t push him away, but instead nodded, not exactly sure how to feel about all this. “You’re welcome, Remus. I already told you, it’s no big deal.” he brushed him off, trying to see if he could hurry this up so he could go and mope.

“No, you don’t get it…” Remus trailed off, pouting as Virgil raised an eyebrow in question. Remus bit down on his lip and sighed. He pulled back slightly from the hug and as Virgil looked at him, he realised Remus was really quite close to him at that moment. 

Virgil’s voice was more breathy as he spoke again. “W-what don’t I get?”

Remus frowned, gently cupping Virgil’s cheek and stroking his thumb along it, a thoughtful look in his eyes. He gently leaned forward and closed the gap between them, kissing Virgil gently. 

He was trying to convey how he was feeling, but with his poor coordination, the actions speak louder than words tactic wasn't going down as well as he'd hoped. “I...Grammy told me that...that I should tell you before you get the wrong idea... that if i didn't you'd think i was just using you for some kind of personal gain so... fuck okay, Virgil...uh...I love you…” he mumbled out, a smile on his face that was just a little too dopey and an expression just a little too confident.

Virgil stayed silent, pulling away from him and huffing, his hand coming up to furiously wipe away tears gathering in his eyes. “Remus, don’t. That is too far and you know it,” he put simply, “Don’t do that, I… Go the fuck to bed, you’re drunk. Save yourself the trouble, don’t call me,” he snapped, turning and without a backwards glance storming out of the apartment building. 

Remus stayed there gawking for a moment, feeling as if he’d just been slapped. He watched Virgil walk away with a bad sinking feeling in his chest. _'Oh Remus you’ve really gone and fucked up big this time,'_ he thought to himself. He fumbled to open his door then stumbled inside, only making it to the living room before he crashed into the couch and was out cold. 

Virgil got a cab home since they’d used Remus’ car to go to the party. Once he was back in his apartment he changed into his pyjamas and curled up in his bed, hugging one of his pillows tightly against his chest. Tears streamed down his cheeks as heavy sobs shuddered in his chest. Accepting to help Remus out by being his pretend boyfriend had been a mistake. He’d thought he would be okay, but he saw now just how completely wrong he had been. 

Not only had he felt his heart being squeezed with every twinge of hope that the illusion had given him, Remus had to go and shatter it all by saying that he loved him. Virgil couldn’t believe Remus would do that to him and it all hurt so much as he lay awake for a few hours until sleep finally caught up with him. 

*********************************************************

Virgil spent the next few days feeling absolutely miserable. He missed Remus so much but he was also still so mad at him. He felt so used, all he had been was a simple pawn in Remus’ scheme and as always he came out of it as the fool he was. Thankfully Remus had the decency to respect his wishes and he didn’t hear from the other man all throughout the following week. 

Remus woke up the morning following the party feeling terrible, for more reasons than one. He felt like an absolute scumbag for what he’d put Virgil through or at least what he remembered of it. What had he been thinking? To try to go about doing things backwards, asking Virgil to pretend to be his boyfriend when he wanted Virgil to be his _actual_ boyfriend. He’d been planning on telling Virgil about his feelings when he realised his grandmother’s birthday could serve a double purpose. 

He saw now that this was just yet another of his wild failed ideas that crashed and burned like the burning train wreck he was. He’d clearly made Virgil uncomfortable with having to pretend to be his boyfriend and his drunk confession had nailed his coffin shut. Virgil had shut him down and Remus was now wallowing in the rejection for the following days. 


	6. Brotherly advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman goes to Remus' apartment and convinces him to stop self pitying and instead go for it and actually tell Virgil he's sorry,

It was an entire two weeks later when something finally happened to possibly change things. Remus got a call from Roman, insisting that his brother come shopping with him. Now, shopping with Roman when they were on their own together was never really that bad. Remus seemed to get along with his brother a whole lot better in a one to one setting. Any other day, he would have happily accepted so when he didn’t, Roman was both confused and concerned. 

He headed over to his brother’s apartment and knocked on the door, wincing when he saw just how much of a state his brother was in. “God… Remus, what happened?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows with concern as he pushed past his brother into the apartment to make sure Remus wasn’t just going to slam the door on him. He’d done it a few times before.

“Roman get out and leave me alone,” Remus snarled at him, frustrated to no end when Roman blocked him from shoving him back into the hallway. 

“Yeah like that’s gonna happen,” Roman scoffed, “Remus what’s wrong?” 

Something inside Remus snapped and all his anger towards Roman turned to sadness as he suddenly burst into tears. Roman’s eyes widened as he took his brother in his arms, holding the other tight as he shook from the wails pouring out of him. 

“Virgil… he… we…. we broke up….” Remus blubbered into Roman’s shoulder. It wasn’t technically true as they had never been dating in the first place but even in this state Remus was not about to admit that to Roman. He was just as heartbroken as if he had been dumped so same difference really. 

“Oh...Remus… What happened?” Roman asked, carefully helping his brother over to the living room and sitting him down on the couch, “Did you two have an argument?”

“I...I guess you could say that...Roman… how do… how do you apologise for something you feel is irredeemable?” Remus asked, fiddling with the cuff of his sweatpants. 

“Well, that depends on what you did, Remus… But uh… When I last had a...fight with Logan, I had to give him space because what I said was rather cruel and I regretted it very deeply. Once they’ve had time to think things over and accept it, you need to approach them. Tell them that you fucked up and sincerely tell them you’re sorry. Explain your side of the story, but don’t make excuses. That’s how I'd go about it,” Roman explained, still looking definitely concerned.

Remus rubbed his hands roughly over his face. He desperately wanted to see Virgil again, to tell him he was sorry, but he also didn’t want to ultimately make things even worse. With his luck he’d come off as an even bigger dick and wind up hurting Virgil all over again. “I guess I could try,” he said finally, not sounding very convinced. 

Roman furrowed his brows at him. This was very unlike Remus, he’d never seen him like this before and while he was used to Remus being wild and unpredictable, he really didn’t like seeing his brother so upset. “Why do I get the feeling there’s something here you’re not telling me.” 

Remus paused, swallowing hard and taking a deep breath. "because there is…" Remus sighed, pulling his knees up to his chest. 

"Virgil…wasn't really my boyfriend… I wanted him to be! I just never had time to put things right. I realised I liked him a while ago. A lot more than I've ever really liked anyone before, but I didn't know how to tell him. 

When I realised the family dinner for Grammy's 80th was coming up… well, I wanted to bring him with me. I asked him if… if he'd go with me and pretend to be my boyfriend and then I got drunk. He drove me home and I kissed him and told him I loved him. 

I should have never brought him anyway. He probably feels so… Used…I was just blinded by the idea of getting back at you. I've always felt like… like people liked you more than me… that you were getting more attention because you deserve it more than me." Remus explained, "I let those feelings take control and now look at what's happening."

Roman stared at him in shock for a moment before turning away his gaze, pondering about what Remus had just said. “Remus… is that what you really think?” he started slowly as he looked back towards his brother, “I know you think my life is perfect and that I have it all, but the truth is I know that I’m obnoxious when I keep taking up all the space. While you may be somewhat chaotic you’re so authentic and easy to talk to and you’re the fun one so I always feel like I have to make myself interesting so that people will listen to me. I just can’t seem to help myself and while it’s something I’m working on I definitely have a ways to go before I’m better at that.” 

He stopped for a minute to scoot over and take Remus in his arms to hug him tightly. “Remus I’m so sorry if I’ve made you feel less than… and I’m sorry that I’ve always teased you about being single. You’re such a great guy and I just think it’s a shame that you never stay with anyone long enough for us to even get to meet them. While I maybe didn't show it I was so happy to see you had brought Virgil. I can tell how much he means to you, I don’t think I’ve seen you that happy and relaxed in a long time.” 

Remus ducked his head down, a few more tears being caught on his hands as he went to rub at his eyes. “And I screwed it all up,” he sighed, looking back up and closing his eyes as he let himself take in the moment. 

“I don’t...I don’t know how to fix this, Roman. I’ve missed him so much, but I don’t know how to apologise and help him realise that I mean it. You know I’m not all that...in tune with my own emotions. You’ve always been the expressive type, I’m a lot more… internal with how I feel. I think Virgil was one of the first people I was...around that understood that rather than immediately naming it a fault.”

He took another deep breath and furrowed his eyebrows as he thought, “I have to show him… that I’m sorry and that I do miss him…”

Roman nodded, “Well, that sounds like a good idea!” he started enthusiastically, about to start listing ways he could show Virgil how he felt before Remus stopped him.

“Ro...I never dated Virgil. We met up a few times, but the uh...the main reason we met up in the first place was to sleep together. I did get invited to hang out with him and his friends for a while and me and Virgil hung out too, but after you left, we were talking and he said that I was ‘A great friend’,” he huffed, “I’m not even sure it meant the same thing to him that it did to me. I’d probably just end up making a fool out of myself.”

“Well you don’t know that for sure unless you try now do you?” Roman pointed out. “I know you already somewhat told him your feelings, but I think it might be worth it to try again. You said it yourself that you didn’t go about it the right way the first time so if not only to apologise but to redeem yourself. That way you won’t have any regrets even if he does end up not returning your feelings.” 

Remus twisted his mouth in thought, considering this. “I guess you’re right, I don’t really have anything to lose at this point. I’ve already messed up our friendship and he probably hates me anyway so it’s not like I could make it any worse, right? I just don’t know if I can bear the idea that this will be a bust and I’m going to lose him all over again.” 

“Well, do you think it’s worth it?” Roman asked, “Because if you really do care about him as much as you say you do, maybe a risk is all you two need.” 

Remus looked at the floor and then nodded to himself, “You’re right. Thank you… I never thought I’d say it, but I’m happy I didn’t slam the door in your face.” Remus smirked, pulling himself up from the couch and grabbing his phone. “I’m gonna go see Virgil, get your ass out of my apartment,” he remarked, standing up and grabbing his jacket and keys. 

He headed down and out of the apartment building, getting into his truck and taking a deep breath. “I can do this...Just a short drive to my doom and if this goes badly, I can cry into a tub of ice cream later…” he commented before starting the car. 


	7. Final confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus finally confronts Virgil about his feelings. Will they actually listen to each other this time or are they doomed to be hopelessly pining after each other?

Virgil was spending another evening alone at home, he’d been too much in a moping mood lately to want to go out with his friends. He was just binging a new show while drowning himself in a tub of ice cream as he tried to distract himself from his emotions. He was starting to get tired of wallowing over what had happened with Remus, but he just kept feeling stuck and unsatisfied with how things had ended between them. 

He was only half watching the show when he was popped out of his thoughts by knocking at the door. His heart twisted in his chest as he recognized the all too familiar way Remus had of alerting his presence. What was he doing here? Virgil was shaking as he debated whether he should even go answer the door. He was terrified of what he might see if he did. Was Remus here to yell at him for ghosting him? There was a second set of knocking, softer this time, almost desperate. Virgil steeled himself finally and got up to go open the door. 

Outside, Remus was shifting his weight from foot to foot, trying to at least somewhat shake the nervous jittering from his body. The door slowly opened and Virgil’s face appeared through the small gap with a timid expression on his face. 

“Hey…” Remus started, “I know...I know you told me to leave you alone… but uhm… Can I talk to you?” 

Virgil bit his lip, unsure of what exactly to say. He did feel the need to talk to Remus about what happened and overall, he figured it was worth it. “Uh...Yeah, okay… Come in,” he mumbled, opening the door and stepping back to make room for Remus to walk past him. He followed him into the living room and sat down awkwardly opposite Remus. After a few beats of silence, Virgil prompted Remus to start, “so...You wanted to talk?”

“Uh yeah… I did,” Remus said before pausing for a moment, weighing his next words. “Virgil I… I’m so sorry… for everything.” He slumped forward to hide his face in his hands, his next words somewhat muffled by his fingers. “I was such an idiot and I screwed up and I should never have done that to you. I just like you so much Virgil and I guess I just wanted to know what it would be like to feel like you were actually my boyfriend… It was a dick move and you didn’t deserve that, especially since you obviously don’t feel the same way and it was so stupid of me to think that you would and I’m so sorry…”

Virgil sat there blinking for a moment. He hadn’t been expecting such a heartfelt apology and he was unsure how to react to what he’d just heard. While having Remus here caused the pain he’d been mulling over to flare up with a vengeance, he thought he’d caught something that kept replaying in his mind. Had Remus just said that he liked him? 

Remus looked up to gauge a reaction from Virgil’s face and when he didn’t see anything that immediately resembled anger, he continued. “I want to make it clear that I don’t expect you to forgive me. I fucked up, that isn’t your fault. I don’t expect you to want to be around me either, but I wanted to give you the closure you deserve. I did this because I wanted to get back at Roman and...And I had feelings for you that I wasn’t sure how to express. Everything that happened was my own fault and I accept and understand that.” 

Virgil almost found himself unsure of how to continue. He hadn’t nearly expected all this. “I...I was upset because I thought...Well, I thought you were leading me on…” he started, “Just before you called me, I’d been convinced I’d have to ignore how I felt about you so I didn’t ruin everything. It was like… When you kissed me, all those feelings I’d been pushing down all day came to a head and… Then you told me you loved me...It felt like you were just telling me what you thought I’d want to hear…”

“Oh Virgil, no… that, that part wasn’t an act,” Remus said, inching closer towards Virgil. He hesitated for a moment, gauging Virgil’s reaction before reaching to take his hands between his own. “If anything I think in that moment I forgot that what had happened during the day wasn’t technically real because for me it had been real, all of it. When you brought me home I was just floating on the feelings of just how much I loved you and how badly I wanted to kiss you that I overlooked the fact that you had no idea about how I actually felt, how I’ve always felt honestly.” 

Virgil's lower lip started to tremble, tears brimming in the corner of his eyes. He was utterly overwhelmed with emotion and couldn’t seem to process what was happening. “So, so what are you saying then?” he finally choked out. Despite everything Remus had just said he couldn’t bring himself to believe what he truly and deeply hoped was what Remus actually meant. 

"I'm saying that I really honestly do care about you very very much. You're so important to me, Virgil and I really would like to be more than just a friend to you. I… love you, Virgil," he finished, his eyes flickering down to the floor and then back up to the man across from him. He was admittedly more than a little afraid of what Virgil's reaction would be, but how their hands felt clasped so perfectly together reminded him how it was definitely worth it. 

Virgil sucked in a short breath before letting out an airy laugh, more so to keep himself from crying than anything else. For a moment Remus was convinced that Virgil was about to shut him down once again until he began speaking. “Oh... Remus… I love you too…” Hearing himself say those words out loud was almost too much for Virgil and he basically fell against Remus, burying his face in the other man’s chest as he clung onto him for dear life. 

Remus brought Virgil closer and wrapped his arms around him, his chin resting on Virgil's head. "Hey, hey, it's okay, I'm here now," he mumbled, trying to keep his voice low so as to be a comfort to Virgil. He lifted one of his hands to play with Virgil's hair, "I've got you." 

The relief Remus felt now that everything was finally falling into place was far beyond the expectation of how he thought all this would turn out. He gently pulled away for a second to catch a glimpse of the look on the other man’s face and kissed Virgil’s forehead, making a mental note to thank Roman later. 

Virgil pulled away, hiccupping softly as he tried to compose himself. He roughly passed a sleeve over his face then grabbed a tissue from the box on the coffee table to blow his nose, his breathing now evening out. Once done with this he looked back up to meet Remus’ gaze, their eyes mirrored a longing for each other and the air around them was still. 

Slowly, Virgil inched himself closer to Remus once again. Remus brought his hand up to gently caress Virgil’s cheek, searching his eyes for any signs of discomfort. When he saw none he leaned to close the gap between their lips. Virgil brought his own hands up to cup Remus’ face, the kiss loving and gentle but quickly deepening as if from a sense of urgency. 

The two eventually pulled away to catch their breath, Virgil refusing to let go of Remus as they clung to each other. Their eyes met and with a slight flicker of a smirk on Remus’ face and a flush on Virgil’s; they dove in for another kiss. 

The rest of the evening, the two spent it together, barely able to keep their hands off each other. Remus was spouting out an almost endless stream of obscure and surprisingly more romantic compliments as if to make it up to Virgil. A few times now he’d apologised and as Virgil lay against Remus’ bare chest that next morning, he promised himself he would make an effort to not doubt himself quite so much. Laying there in Remus’ arms now that they were official felt so much more fulfilling than he ever could have thought and any doubt he had melted away now that he was safe with him.


End file.
